Longtime “Journey vs. Destination” columnist Lisa Brainard is recovering from injuries suffered in a fall, followed by a stroke, in September of 2012. Donations will be welcomed to help pay for the recumbent trike she often mentions here and which she is using to regain strength, as she’s “pedaling to recovery.” Look for full details in next week’s column, as well as posters throughout the area sharing information. Lisa can be e-mailed at lbrainard@bluffcountrynews.com
Longtime “Journey vs. Destination” columnist Lisa Brainard is recovering from injuries suffered in a fall, followed by a stroke, in September of 2012. Donations will be welcomed to help pay for the recumbent trike she often mentions here and which she is using to regain strength, as she’s “pedaling to recovery.” Look for full details in next week’s column, as well as posters throughout the area sharing information. Lisa can be e-mailed at lbrainard@bluffcountrynews.com
"Here's mud in your eye."

That's apparently a toast - if a strange toast - to congratulate or wish someone well.

One theory says that it deals with horse racing, where the first horse running across the finish line at the track would kick up dirt into the eyes of the horses behind him. He was the winner.

"Here's a jab of antiperspirant in your eye" just doesn't have the same jubilant ring, now does it?

But that was the very phrase that came to mind on a recent Friday after a very, VERY early morning shower - like a 4 a.m. shower. (Note to self: shower the night before!)

I would be heading to the Mayo Clinic for a 7 a.m. EEG. The pre-test instructions called for no more than four hours sleep. With electrodes glued to my scalp (that glue is still coming off, by the way), sleep deprivation could help stimulate the possible brain seizures for which I was being tested. Ideally I would be sleeping or quite drowsy.

As for overnight sleep, I had two uncomfortable hours, nervous about waking up so very early. Heck, I'd been nervous about it all for days ahead of time.

That's not good. In my post-accident, post-stroke world, being nervous or upset about something really brings on tightness and jerkiness in the muscles on my left side. Foot, leg, hamstring, midsection, shoulder, elbow, wrist, hand, fingers, neck, jaw and face - any or all can be problems.

On that Friday morning, I had what you might call "the works." And here's what transpired. I was putting on my "clinical strength" (hey, I need it) antiperspirant-deodorant. My habit is to take three swipes with the stick - up, down and back up.

Well... as I came back up on the right side, my left hand and arm jerked out of control instead of stopping where it should have. The upward motion landed that stick square in my right eye.

It's funny to read about and I can almost laugh about it now. But, wow, what stinging and pain! And then - the concern. Was it an emergency? Did I need to call a doctor? An ambulance? Oh, it couldn't be good!! Would I go blind in that eye?

I tried to rinse it with clear water. It stung every time I opened and closed my eye, which was horribly red.

The only good thing, I figured, was that I was headed to Mayo. Plenty of doctors there - if I lasted that long.

I told anyone who'd listen about my bad start to what was going to be a stressful day anyway. "Oh, that's why your one eye is so red," said the transport person.

The EEG personnel also said that, giving me a large bottle of saline eye rinse to use as they glued a bunch (20 plus!?) of electrodes to my scalp.

My red eye still stung, but at this point I guessed I might live. After all, no doctors had been rushed to see me.

The good news is all this stress on top of major sleep deprivation still didn't trigger any seizures. Plus, as the day went by, my eyes didn't sweat or stink. I guess that's kind of a win.

Upon getting home I had to get online to search for - you know it - "deodorant in eye." While I had assumed I might be the only fool to have had this happen, I was pleased to find numerous others. And they all felt just as worried, and subsequently idiotic, as I did. Ah, there's solace in numbers.

Now I'd like to share some comments I read. You'll find them humorously similar to mine, I think.

In a blog called "Never That Easy," the writer states in October of 2006: "Yesterday I got deodorant in my eye. I kid you not. File under things that only happen to me."

Gel deodorant flew into this person's eye. The writer states, "And, as it is stinging, I am not sure if I should scream or cry or laugh. I have DEODORANT in my EYEBALL! What the heck kind of crap is that?"

Oh yes... been there; done that. Amazingly, there were 79 responses to the blog. Of note, the great majority found it after they'd gotten deodorant in their respective eyes.

I'm not feeling quite so stupid anymore.

The deodorant label's total lack of information on dealing with this accidental situation was of no comfort, noted many.

But... we've all been good sports. We'll laugh and wink at you when telling our tales, confident at least one eye is not sweating and watery, but clean and fresh. For the really lucky, it might even smell like a sea breeze.