2/19/2008 10:05:00 AM Changing wedding practices no longer follow tradition The Biker's Diary
By Dr. Jan Meyer
This seems to be the wedding planning season, judging from all of the activities about the topic at this time of year: many newspapers have published either wedding supplements or special articles about the topic, stores are holding bridal shows, and there are wedding fairs where the bride-to-be can find help and advice about every last little detail. I tend to think about weddings at this time of year, too, even without that stimulus: our wedding anniversary is right about now, and besides we have just celebrated Valentine's Day.
But wow, have things changed! Wedding bells may still be "breaking up that old gang of mine," but that may be one of the few things that is not different about weddings. In our grandparents' day weddings were no big deal in our culture. Probably for economic reasons, the bride didn't wear a dress that she would likely never wear again. Instead, she wore one that she would be able to wear many times after that; usually it was a homemade dress. The weddings most often took place at the home of the pastor or presiding clergy.
Then somewhere along the line, as our economy improved, a whole set of "rules" dictated how weddings would happen; those became our traditions.
Many of those traditions surrounding weddings were seemingly based on superstitions. The bride wore white to symbolize her virginity, and no one else could wear white as it would be in competition with the bride. And, both guests and wedding attendants never wore red or black: red because it was the color attributed to loose women and houses in the "red light district," black because it was supposed to be reserved for funeral attire.
It was about 20 years ago when I attended the first wedding (a double one, mother and son being married in the same ceremony) at which the brides wore black. So did all the bridesmaids. And I recently read about a wedding at which the bride wore the traditional white, but all the female attendants wore all black. The groom wore all black, and all of the groomsmen wore all white. The writer suggested that the colors - or lack of - were symbolic, meaning that this marriage was a black and white commitment, with no grey areas! Now, any color is acceptable, both for the bride and for the attendants.
In the past, it was considered bad luck for the groom to even see the bride on the day of the wedding ceremony. Today, that is old hat. The first time I noticed the beginning of what was to become this trend was when I attended a wedding when the reception was before the ceremony. At the time, this was pretty unusual, and when we remarked on it, the bride said she was determined that she and all of her guests were going to enjoy everything about the entire day, so having a meal and socializing ahead of time was a good way to get everyone to relax. Including her! And I must admit it worked: they seemed to enjoy every minute of the occasion.
Because the groom couldn't see the bride on the wedding day, the formal photographs were taken after the ceremony and before the reception. This wasn't particularly practical, as it meant there would be at least an hour wait for the bridal party to join the guests. By that time, many were ready to go home. Now, often the bride and groom have already been living together for quite some time, so the pictures are usually taken before the wedding. That seems a far more practical solution. But then, looking at some of the wedding and bridesmaids' dresses, that could be an uncomfortably long time to be in that clothing!
The makeup and physical placement of the attendants is also changing. It is common now to see non-symmetrical wedding groups: there are not always the same number of men and women lining up on the bride's and groom's sides. And sometimes females attend the groom, and vice versa. There was a mini-trend during which couples wrote their own vows. That doesn't happen as often now, but virtually no woman pledges to obey the husband anymore! Lighting of the unity candle now often includes the children of one or both spouses (blending his, hers, and sometimes ours) because there are so many second - and third -- marriages.
Of course the cost has changed a lot. Back when the father of the bride was paying for everything, weddings were a lot more simple. The dress might cost in the $100 range, and the reception was in the church basement with cake, nut cups, and punch for the refreshments. The big entertainment at those receptions, I remember well, was decorating the groom's car for the getaway.
Now there are fewer weddings in churches. Also, the method of payment has changed: now, many times both sets of parents chip in to pay, and many couples are paying for it all themselves. In either case, it is not unheard of that couples and/or their parents take out a loan to pay for the event. That is understandable, since according to one wedding planner, the average wedding cost is now at $28,000! That seems odd to me, since I had read that the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding!
Another trend is the "destination wedding." Couples, families and the entire entourage of guests travel off to some exotic location, getting married on the beach, or in the mountains, underwater, or while jumping out of an airplane. If the couple can't or doesn't want to travel, they can choose a seasonal theme, Christmas and Valentine's being the easiest to imagine. However, some places specialize in selling seasonal wedding kits, including one for Halloween! The food has also grown more exotic, along with the honeymoon location, and of course also more expensive.
There is one thing, however, that won't change. At the end, no matter how traditional or avant-garde the occasion is, the couple will be married. And hopefully they will have enjoyed the event! I know we did, and it is even more fun to celebrate the occasion about this time every year!
